I'm a homebirth mama of one and my life was forever changed after my birth experience. During my 3-day labor, I was surrounded by the most amazing and supportive birth team. I was completely blown away by the level of care and support that I received. It was everything I could have imagined, and more.

And then came postpartum. It was supposed to be the happiest time of my life. Yeah, there would be some healing, but I was supposed to enjoy every second of soaking in the squishy newborn moments. I had a relatively easy time breastfeeding, and I have amazing support from my husband. And it was great...for a few weeks. 

But then postpartum hit me like a ton of bricks. The scary as hell intrusive thoughts. The feeling of extreme overwhelm that I couldn't put into words. The incredible irritability and rage (that I later realized was anxiety manifesting itself as anger). 

I love my daughter with every ounce of my being, but some days it was honestly hard to even get out of bed. I fell into a deep funk, and just couldn’t shake it. I was able to stay home with my daughter full time since day one, and that was a blessing and a curse. I was naive about the struggles that came along with being a stay at home mom. 

The ‘lazy’ days of lounging around in sweatpants and a milk-stained t-shirt became my everyday uniform. Snacking throughout the day because I was breastfeeding turned into DoorDash and Netflix almost daily. Self care? What’s that? I was showering maybe every three days, and my mental health tanked. Like really fucking tanked.

I resented my husband for being able to leave and not be in the “mess” with me everyday and not having to parent 24/7. I knew deep down that him working was WHY and HOW I got to stay home. I wanted to stay home. I asked for this. 

My baseline was overwhelm. I felt on edge all the time, and I couldn’t figure out why. I dreamed about being a mom ever since I was a little kid. This is what I wanted. Why couldn’t I just get my shit together? I had the privilege of staying home and seeing every milestone my daughter hit. I should be grateful. So many moms have to miss these little moments. I should be more appreciative of my husband supporting me in staying home. I shouldn’t complain about being in a bad mood or how hard it is to be home all the time. I’m sure there are moms who would give anything to trade places with me. 

But I couldn’t shake it. I felt like the only mom in the world who felt the way I did. I was stuck in the comparison trap and seeing everyone else enjoy their babies. And I did, sometimes. But other times I felt completely overwhelmed with motherhood. I felt like I was stumbling my way through mom life with no clue in the world what I was doing. Which was confusing. I had worked with kids my whole life, I was a trained doula, and I had a super supportive husband. WHY couldn’t I just get my shit together? 

I just couldn’t shake it. Until I decided I was done feeling like shit. I was done floating through my day and missing out on moments with my daughter because I wasn’t feeling up to reading stories or playing with her. 

It was at 10 months postpartum when I decided to reach out for help. I started attending a support group for postpartum moms and focusing on my mental health. It was then when I developed the four foundations to a positive postpartum experience, that I now refer to as ‘The MAMA Method’.

I knew that if I wanted to shake the funk I was stuck in and start feeling like myself again, I needed to keep it simple. I couldn’t bury myself in strict morning routines, and journals, and strict workout programs, and diets, and feeling like I needed to add more to my plate. Because I couldn’t. My plate was already full. 

The MAMA Method is a holistic and simple approach to encouraging mamas to not only embrace mom life, but also thrive in life. I developed this method to help mamas normalize the way they’re feeling in motherhood and connect to their new identity as “mom” while reconnecting to the woman she was before kids. I was someone before I was a mom, and that person still matters. It was time to learn to adapt with grace over guilt. I gave myself permission to be more than a mama.

The MAMA Method:

1. Mindset
2. Ask for help
3. Make time for self care
4. Acknowledge grace over guilt

Mindset is the first foundational key to the puzzle of feeling whole again. It’s essential to have a growth mindset when it comes to motherhood. This doesn’t mean you eat, sleep, and breathe positivity. It means you do your best to approach each day with optimism. You do what you can to focus on the good. This isn’t always easy, but nothing worth having is. Mindset work is hard work. It’s all about reframing the beliefs you had that are weighing you down into beliefs that lift you up. Mindset is not something you learn and master. It’s a continuous journey that ebbs and flows. 

The second key to coming out of my postpartum funk was asking for help. This one was really fucking hard for me. I’m the independent girl. That one that always wants to do it herself. The one that is fine without anyones help. Why? To prove something? To show that I’m strong? Well that sure as shit didn’t help me. Learning to ask for help or reach out for support is CRUCIAL to healing and rediscovering who you’re meant to be as a woman and as a mom. Motherhood is a sketchy hood, y’all. Don’t go through that shit alone. Ask for help. 

Make time for self care. I know, you probably just rolled your eyes. “Yeah, Kiera. Once I climb out of this mountain of dishes, laundry, and dirty diapers, I’ll be sure to book myself a massage.” NO. That’s not what I mean. Making time for self care is all about making it a priority to spend time with you, for you. It doesn’t always mean massages and pedicures and hair appointments.

Our society’s ‘definition’ of self care is a bit skewed and I’m rewriting it for you. I know. Self care dropped to the bottom of my list too when I was in survival mode. I get it. But that’s also what kept me there. It wasn’t until I started carving out 5 minutes a day to focus on my breathing, then 10 minutes a day to do a guided meditation, then eventually 15, then 20 to do LITERALLY ANYTHING that was for me. Some days I don’t make the time. But those are the days when I feel my funks coming back. I’m telling you. Take 5 minutes every day. You’re worth five fucking minutes, mama. 

Lastly, acknowledge grace over guilt. Mom guilt is a mother fucker. For real. Mom guilt is like a disease that literally eats you up from the inside. It can be all consuming and will suck the joy out of everything you see and do. It’s important to remember that you are human. You’re literally a bundle of cells on a giant rock, being thrown around the sun at a zillion miles per hour. Okay, probably not 100% scientifically accurate, but you get my point. You. Are. Human. It’s o-fucking-kay to make mistakes.

You actually should be making mistakes, because that’s how you’re going to grow as a person, and as a mom. When you give yourself grace instead of feeling guilty, you’re giving yourself permission to learn and adapt and grow. And isn’t that what we want to teach our children? That it’s okay to make mistakes? We need to show ourselves the same grace we do our children. Give yourself some grace, mama. You’re doing a great fucking job. 

When I put these 4 foundational pieces to play, my world flipped upside down. In a good way. I was able to recognize when I was approaching my day with negativity, rather than optimism. I suddenly had more energy to tackle my day. I no longer dreaded playing with my daughter. I wanted to move my body in ways that felt good. I looked forward to my support groups because it felt so refreshing to hear that other moms were going through the same things as me. It made me feel normal when I felt the furthest from it. And by giving myself grace each day, little by little I started feeling like me again. I started feeling like the girl I was before I became a mom. I started feeling like I mattered again. And that’s what I want for you.

 So much of postpartum is not talked about. We’re taught to fear birth, and we prepare so much for labor and everything we need to prepare for once our baby is here. But we don’t prepare at all for postpartum. There is so much focus on mom when she’s pregnant. ‘What do you need? Are you sleeping enough? Are you eating enough? Did you drink enough water today?’ But then baby is born and moms are often pushed to the side.

We walk into the world of motherhood like a deer in headlights, holding a tiny little human who is completely and utterly dependent on you. You’re just expected to transform like a fucking butterfly into the world’s greatest mom. Well guess what? It doesn’t work like that.

I’m on a mission to empower moms through their motherhood journey so that they can have the best possible experience. Yes, there will be struggles and days that are hard as hell, but with the right support, knowledge, coping skills, and empowerment, the journey to finding themselves will be much smoother. 

I am determined to flip the script on expectations of motherhood for moms, whether this is your first child or your fifth, or whether you’re 10 weeks postpartum or 10 months. It’s unfortunately the norm in our society for moms to have the expectation that everything suddenly be rainbows and butterflies, and that life goes back to normal once the baby is born. But that is far from the truth. And it’s time we start fucking talking about it. Because mama, you matter. 

xo, Kiera

To learn more about The MAMA Method and the support I offer, go to www.thegracedoula.com